Greenie

Amateur. Novice. Infant.
New.

Newness is hard, and sometimes I forget that.

I have been reading my journal from a year ago, and I hardly recognize the faith-filled struggle that faced Sister Stewart of January 2013. Everything was hard: talking to people; getting up; smiling; feeling good; looking good; working fast; teaching well.

Sister Ellis expresses the challenge perfectly:
"It kind of feels like I went to school naked, and every now and then I'm getting clothes. But it's nothing big-like a sock or a headband or something."

This is it exactly! The mission thrusts us beyond "developmentally appropriate curriculum" and into a world that is as divine as it is challenging.We gain skills and faith little by little, but it never feels like enough to cover our vulnerable consecrated offering. And it is in the is overwhelming experience that we lose ourselves, find ourselves, and learn who the Christ really is.

Now I watch Sister Ellis battle the Goliaths unique to being a new missionary, and I wish that I could promise her a quick-fix to peace and confidence. But I feel that the endowment of power that I have received (and that which she will also receive) is the culmination of faith-filled days. There is power alone in enduring to the end, in learning to trust God, day after difficult day, for the duration of 18 or 24 months. If I were with the hosts of Israel as they wandered in the wilderness, I am sure that I would have tried to store up extra manna for my tomorrows. But the mission will not allow it. I am so grateful for 13 months under my belt. Thirteen months represents approximately 400 days of gathering manna.

And now I trust in God.

I still work hard, but I don't credit successes or failures to my own efforts. As Paul said, "I have planned, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase." (1 Cor 3:6)

This is His work. New things grow old, and seasons pass away. But we are saints of all seasons, and He will Guide us in every stage.