Sister Ott's finest offering to our companionship was her daily joke. She abandoned me for another area six weeks ago, but the dear soul sent a Christmas gift of witticisms. For your laughing pleasure--the puny genius of Sister Sara Ott:
1) Britney Spears is meeting with Mormon missionaries and they teach her about the Word of Wisdom. She promises to live it even though she likes her coffee. Later, when they call her and ask how it's going, she sings, "Oops! I did it again!"
2) Justin Timberlake converts and he opens up a shop for missionaries; when you walk in you hear, "Here I come in my suit and tie/suit and tie."
3) Christina Agilara meets some Mormon missionaries on the street and when they ask if they can teach her she starts singing, "Come on over, come on over, baby."
4) Two Mormon missionaries knock on Nicolas Cage's door and he says to them, "I was knowing you'd come."
5) Ace of Base walks into a bar and the bartender refuses to serve them so they pray about which way to go. Immediately they meet some Mormon missionaries and want to meet with them. The missionaries are surprised and ask why. Ace of Base starts singing, "I saw the sign."
6) Why did Sister Stewart cross the road? She had an appointment on the other side. Why did Sister Ott cross the road? She was Sister Stewart's companion.
7) There were two young men dressed up in suits that walk to a bar and the bartender asks what they want and then they are so frightened and yelled, "We're not supposed to be in here! We're Mormon!"
8) All the members of Nsync convert and decide to go on missions. They all have their farewells in the same ward and for their musical number they all sing, "Bye Bye, Bye."
9) One Direction begins investigating the church and they're trying to keep their thoughts clean. As their mantra they're always singing, "Get out, get out, get out of my head."
10) The members of Nsync are out on their missions and there's one investigator deciding who will baptize him. Nsync breaks out into, "It's gonna be me."
11) Mormon missionaries teach Johnny Depp a lesson and he won't agree to baptism. The missionaries ask him about it and he says that he would end up cutting of someone's wrist and nose because of his scissor hands.
12) Carrie Underwood doesn't know how to pray so some missionaries teach her in a lesson. Later she almost ends up in a car wreck and starts praying for Jesus to take the wheel.
13) All the members of Backstreet Boys convert and find out that they're all in the same ward one Sunday and afterwards starting singing, "Everybody...Backstreet's Back."
14) How many missionaries have graduated from BYU? None! No missionaries go there; they're all RMs.
15) Zachary Levi is given a Book of Mormon and starts to read it and when he meets with the missionaries they ask him what he thought about it and he starts singing, "At last I see the light, and is't like the fog has lifted."
16) Two Mormon missionaries knock on a preacher's house and ask if they can teach him a lesson. He says no, but asks why they knocked on his door. Their reply was, "We thought you were a devil worshiper because your house number is 666."
17) Sleeping Beauty converted to the church because she needed to be married to someone forever--100 years is an awfully long time to sleep!
And my personal favorite-not included in her Christmas e-mail, but once mentioned to a frazzled, less-active woman:
"If you're having a terrible day, don't worry about it. Even Moses was once a basket-case."
Merry Christmas, dear friends and family!!
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