I received a letter from a dear childhood friend. She met a boy...isn't that how it always begins? And they might get married. I laughed and grinned at her giddy words, but then I felt sad. Sad to miss the wedding, sad that I don't know this guy, but mostly sad because my life isn't what I expected it would be.
"Normative timeline." This is the phrase that scholars use to explain my confusing feelings. Human beings create a set of developmental expectations (or "normative timelines"), and we worry when the timing of major life events fails to match the norm. My perception of a normative timeline was to go to college at 18, to get married at 20, and to probably have a small perfect family by 24.
God knows better.
He knew what I did not know about myself. That I have an appetite for scholarship and spirituality, and that I might need some time in school to learn and thrill and grow into myself. That I have a small seed of wanderlust that would find nourishment in places like Jerusalem and Virginia and Oklahoma. That I would desperately want to serve my Savior Jesus Christ, and that some well-timed orchestrations could land me in a wonderful place at a historic time as a full-time missionary.
He knows me better than I know myself.
Call me a radical for graduating from BYU without a ring on my left hand. Maybe it's tyrannical that I didn't get a degree with any obvious utility. I'm criminal for loving my twisted, unexpected journey as much as I do. But God knows best. My tears have changed from sad tears to tears of gratitude. I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to let me depart from normative timelines. I'm not the first. Abraham and Sarah had babies way past due. Enoch felt like he was just a "young lad" when he was called to do great things. Maybe Moses didn't envision promised lands to be so difficult to obtain.
But God has better plans for our happiness than we do.
My favorite talk of late is Our Wonderful Journey Home, in which President Uchtdorf described the Plan of Salvation in story-tale format.* His description of Bilbo Baggins seems a suitable description of my own life:
And of course there is Bilbo Baggins, the small unassuming hobbit who would very much have preferred to stay home and eat his soup. But after a knock at his door, he follows the call of the great unknown and steps out into the world, together with a wizard and a band of dwarfs, to fulfill a dangerous but vitally important mission.
Switch a few words, and I hear the Spirit telling my story: "And of course there is Jenny, the unassuming girl who would very much prefer to stay at home with an apron around her waist and her family at hand. But after an encounter with the living Son of God, she follows the call of the Spirit and steps out into the world, together with a companion and a ragtaggle group of striving disciples to fulfill a dangerous but vitally important mission."
God knows best.
So here's to adventure! To non-normative timelines. To the circuitous route that always leads home. Before the promised land there is always a wilderness. The trick is learning to find joy in the journey.**
* http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2013/03/your-wonderful-journey-home?lang=eng
** http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/finding-joy-in-the-journey?lang=eng
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