There is something unspeakable about being close to God.
Forgive my attempt to give words to an unutterable truth.
Sometimes being close to God feels like two dozen soft cookies and a sweater that smells like home.
Sometimes it is very long prayers after everyone else goes to sleep. Feeling that singular sun-on-the-face variety of the Spirit that I love so well.
It's not always convenient. Lately being close to God means ever-running mascara because Christmas hymns leave me in tears. I can't sing about adoring Christ without actually adoring him, and the mental exercise swamps my voice with grateful tears.
Being close to God means feeling that God has paid me a divine compliment by letting me serve a mission at such a time as this.
It means letting the Atonement strengthen, enable, cleanse, heal, or comfort everyday.
Being close to God manifests itself in personal flaws that don't hurt so much as they used to. It is putting the inner-perfectionist to rest. It is refraining from comparing self to others. It is repenting, and not hating weakness in self or others.
It is being known of God. Feeling boldly unabashed by what He knows and sees in me.
Being close to God is reading Moses chapter seven in the morning and craving the gift of compassion all day long.
Being close to God is being close to His kin. Seeing great strength in nineteen year-old boys. Being taken-aback at how very un-terrible it is to live with the new appendage called "companion." Cherishing zone members and branch members and district members known only three weeks. And grieving because it's time to leave as soon as we learn to love.
Sometimes being close to God means airplane rides and an uncertain future.
Tomorrow it will mean leaving the happy fabricated existence of the MTC and boldly marching onto a plane. Being close to God is trusting that He will draw close to me in Oklahoma just as He has been near me here.
Perhaps being close to God is not so unspeakable after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment