A letter from my dear friend, whom I happened to meet as a missionary, and whom I most definitely did NOT convert.
My dear Jenny,
It is such a privelege to write you, love. I know that you will recieve my letters with much rejoicing, and that fills my soul with sunshine and rainbows. And now (*drumroll*) the moment you've been waiting for ...How It Happened: The Surprisingly Uneventful Story of the Conversion of Margaret David!
Jenny, I know you would think that I'm so very interesting that I would just *have* to have a really great story. And of course, it is really, really great in its very own way, but I'm a firm believer that the best is yet to come; I can feel it even thought I can't quite identify it. Still, I will try to humor you as much as possible.
If there were a key to all of this, I know more than ever the power of God's timing and the perfection of His plan. There are so many components, small and large, that have led me here. I had to get a job in Oklahoma City, be furloughed from that job, work at Philmont, meet Jacob the one day he was scheduled to be at my camp, foster that friendship the next time I saw him, fall in love and want to know all I could about the things that are important to him, choose to maintain a long distance relationship, choose to work part of the winter in Idaho which allowed me to get used to going to church with him, see how his lovely family operated in light of their faith, make the difficult move back to OKC to get my job back, find out that Jacob planned to spend a good chunk of time here, feel compelled to start going to the ward in an attempt to network him a place to stay (which worked out beautifully, by the way), feel incredibly welcomed that first day, and then take the opportunities I've been given to learn and grow since that time.
And those are only SOME of the physical things! Here's the good stuff:
Turning Point #1: When I went teaching with you all the very first time, I was moved by her simple faith, She clearly didn't feel like she needed to know everything in order to follow the pull of her heart. I felt small in comparison; I thought my faith was so great, but I realized belief is only a part of that. She was willing to act without complete understanding. I was blessed that night.
Turning Point #2: I read a book called 'Til Faith Do Us Part,' knowing more fully as I finished it that I was far more naïve about my interfaith relationship than I imaged. While this did little to convince me for or against the LDS faith, it did much in the way of showing me how much better it can be for partners to be religiously united. So, I was able to give conversion a fair chance and due consideration. At the very least, I promised myself and Jacob that I wouldn't rule it out.
Turning Point #3: This one was scary. I was fasting one day and asked Abba what I should study. He responded immediately and tangibly, as a voice in my head: "CONSIDER MY WORD." Wow, okay, sure. What exactly do you want me to read? Three times at least, softly in my consciousness at first and then finally I heard clearly: "READ THE BOOK OF MORMON." I literally and physically had a panic attack (saying, "God, you're giving me a panic attack!" to which He quickly replied, "No, you are giving you a panic attack." Funny guy.). I finally composed myself and read that day 2 Nephi 1-2, 31-32. It showed me that if I could dig that deeply into this book, it was certainly written by the greatest Author of our faith.
Turning Point #4: Reading "Falling in Love with Joseph Smith." 'Nuff said.
Turning Point #4.5: Admitting to Jacob that I love this church and simultaneously finally being answered by my Heavenly Father that the little blue book is truly His.
Turning Point #5: Not being invited to be baptized by you all (if that makes any sense).
Turning Point #6: Feeling a part of the congregation enough to testify in church on June the First 2014 that nothing we do comes as a surprise to God.
Turning Point #7: Having a very long/good convo with Bishop Gillespie and saying yes to his invitation, my first invite from the ward.
Turning Point #8: Realizing my deep fear ("What are you afraid of?" "I don't even know.") only existed as an exercise to hold on to the homeostasis of my faith. Repenting of that blatant sin, receiving true forgiveness, and feeling the fear leave me as quickly as I prayed sincerely, "Lord, I don't want this fear as an excuse anymore!" Then, I was left without any excuse, I'm free to just do.
J, it was only a matter of time, but it had to happen just as it did. Otherwise, I'd never be convinced of myself. It had to be Him all along. He had to show me little by little. This is all true, every whit, and I give it to you in Christ's name, Amen.
love, MED
